Over the years, I've realized that my four children (now almost all grown and out of the house) have taught me more than I ever could have taught them!
I know, I know...they can't help but learn from their parents - a very scary fact! And I'm sure I've taught them lots of things that I didn't intend to. I hope that by God's grace and their own "smarts" they will overcome the shortcomings of my example (and forgive me!).
I also hope they "caught" some of the important stuff from Kathy Jo and me: faith in God, self-reliance and hard work, respect for others, a healthy patriotism that knows the limits of goverment, and the importance of helping others through giving back when a need arises.
So here's ten things my kids have taught me personally. (I'm sure there are more, and I'm sure you would mention some different stuff!)
1. I've learned that I'm not always right in an argument with my kids. And when I've "won" an argument by simply being the parent, I may later have to apologize. I've learned how to say "I'm sorry" because of this fact.
2. Sometimes "because I said so" is the only answer they need, but other times I need to patiently (that means rationally, in a calm voice) explain why the answer is "no" or "not right now" or whatever.
3. The world will not end because their toys are all over the living room! And they will be all over the living room again tomorrow, no matter how many times they're picked up! Just learn to step over them. (Later this applies to their stuff all over the bathrooms, then in the garage!)
4. They will all be different from each other (having four kids, I have at least good anecdotal evidence for this!). Measure them all by their own strengths, gifts, dreams and opportunities. Be thankful for each one's uniqueness; comparison is a dead-end for you and them.
5. They need a parent, not another friend. They will always have friends - they don't have anyone else who will step up and do the thankless job of being their parents. When their friends let them down, they still need you to be their parents.
6. They will mirror perfectly what you say and do. So be careful.
7. They will call you on your hypocrisy (in word or deed). Again, be careful.
8. They value you and your time, not the stuff you give them. The best times I've ever spent with my kids were not on expensive vacations (don't know if we ever actually went on one of those), but those times when we could all simply be together, whether at home, or in a borrowed pop-up camper (in the rain!) or at Grandpa and Grandma's house. (Those are their best memories, too, according to what they themselves have told me.)
9. They grow up fast. I never believed it when the older folks said that. Now I'm one of the older folks.
10. There's no better "school" than raising kids to help you personally understand the love and grace of God. If you love your kids, and forgive them over and over and over, how much more does the infinite God who created you, them, and this thing called "family" - how much more does God love each one of us? Let that sink into your mind and heart, and you'll be a better parent, and a better person.
I'm sure there's lots more...and I invite you to leave a comment and add to the list!
And have a great Father's Day - just being together!
Stay connected,
Pastor Mike
(This post is dedicated to my four awesome kids, Ann Kathryn, David Robert, Nathan Mark and Jill Kristin. Thank you all for being such great kids. I love you.)
No, I'm not referring to the federal deficit, although that's certainly a topic worthy of much more discussion (and a solution!).
So...what are we
- and by "we" I mean we Christians -
stealing from our children?
We are stealing from them the personal experience and blessing of God's gift of Sabbath rest.
The past few weeks I've talked to a number of other pastors, and we're all experiencing the same Sunday morning phenomenon: anemic worship attendance. These pastors, like me, serve congregations that are growing and seeing a regular influx of new people; a healthy percentage of our worship attendance every Sunday is first time guests or people who have started attending church with us in the past 3-6 months.
But many of our members aren't there (and neither are their children).
What each of these pastors know is that if many of our folks just added one more Sunday each month in worship attendance, we would see a 50% increase in worship attendance overall!
But I'm much more concerned about something else. I'm concerned about the heritage we're leaving to our children - or, more accurately, failing to leave to our children. Our children are not experiencing God's gift of Sabbath rest each week, one day out of seven - the way God designed it in the beginning of creation.
Not only are our adult lives driven and overscheduled and without balance or margin at the beginning of the 21st century...our kids lives are just as hectic. They are learning to live (or would that just be learning to survive?) at a pace that is unhealthy and against their nature.
God created us as creatures who require rest and renewal - physically, but also emotionally, psychologically, spiritually - in every dimension of our being. We have to sleep every night in order to function the next day - we will eventually collapse from exhaustion without sleep.
God also created us with a built in rhythm for rest - weekly; one day out of seven. And God said, "Do as I have done." God set the example by creating for six days (however you choose to measure those days), then resting the seventh day, and consecrated it, making it holy (set apart for other purposes).
Yes, God created work - please understand: work is good! God's work in creation is good; our work in creating and using our gifts and talents and skills is good! Our lives are significant in part because of our work - given to us by our Creator BEFORE the fall..work was always part of God's design for us, even in Eden.
But God says work isn't everything; it doesn't completely define you or me. God gave us "Sabbath" - this day of rest - as a gift. He commands us...but also gives us permission, to stop our daily work, our daily activity, our regular schedule, whatever that looks like.
STOP!
Cease and desist! Put down your tools, set aside your pen, close your laptop, shelve your books.
The purpose of this stopping is so that we can fulfill an important purpose for which we were created, "to glorify God and enjoy him forever." Here's the problem:
Our children are being robbed of this blessing - to fulfill their most important purpose, and to enjoy their most important relationship.
Instead of being taught this rhythm of Sabbath rest and receiving the renewal and blessings that come with it, we - we Christian parents - are letting the kids sleep in if they don't feel like going to church or Sunday school. Or we're letting sports interfere with Sunday morning worship. Or we're choosing to "worship God" on the lake, or at the amusement park, or at the relatives (who aren't taking us to church with them on Sunday, either).
It gives me no pleasure to write this, but understand this: God will judge us - Christian parents! - in this area. Have we been faithful in modeling for our kids and giving them the gift of Sabbath rest and worship?
But just as sobering as God's judgment is the loss our kids are experiencing right now as they rush from one activity/one commitment/one responsibility to another...without knowing that they have permission to rest.
How sad. And how wrong of us to take this from them.
Isn't it amazing? If we rob God (of his glory and worship on Sundays), we also rob our children (of rest, renewal and a deeper relationship with God). And if we bless God (in worship on Sundays) we also bless our children with these gifts for which they were created. Either way, when we do the one, we also do the other!
I'll be addressing this topic again for the next two Sundays (May 16 and 23) as we continue to consider The Rest of Your Life: Creating Balance, Margin and Peace.
I invite you to be there to learn more about the blessings of God's gift of rest for you and your children, and also learn ways to unplug in the midst of our hectic, exhausting culture.
Stay connected,
Pastor Mike
